Funny, no one thinks to ask me the same in return. Maybe that's for the best, at least today anyway.
What did I learn today?
1. If you are going to have the Fight to End All Fights with your spouse...
Close the windows!
Or better yet, take it to the car. Do yourself a favor, roll up the windows before getting to it. I'm not sure, but the car might insulate the noise a little better than say, levers left wide open on every darn window of the house.
Open Letter to my Neighborhood:
Please do not make eye contact with me tomorrow, or for the rest of the week, for that matter. If you ask about "the scream," I reserve the right to lie and say I found a cockroach the size of a small child on the floor next to my bed. (Which is true, actually. Just so happens that we killed and captured said roach this morning. Last time we checked on the mostly dead life science project on the kitchen counter, he was still hanging on for dear life. Apparently it takes more than a stomp of a size 13 hiking boot to kill those kind. Don't worry, nasty bugger is at a safe looking distance in that handy glass jar with the tight, ever so tight, lid.) Technically speaking, there were two banshee war cry screams from our house today. Only the one tonight, not because of the roach. (But you'll never know that.)
2. Seems odd, that this lesson would come so quickly on the heels of Lesson Number One, but hey, I'm a quick learner.
You don't need to scream for God to hear you.
Which is funny, since my kids scream all the time and I, and everyone on God's good earth, can hear them loud and clear. In fact, my neighbor from Thailand had a friend at her house today, which she politely introduced us to. The kids were crouched around her driveway, borrowing her smooth cement for an afternoon of chalk art. She turned to her friend and introduced Wooly (as I did my best to hide a smirk). "This is Wooly. He's the screamer." True story, her words, not mine. Sweet, sweet validation of my agony.
But when it comes to an S.O.S. flare gun to the sky, a silent thought is all it takes to bend His ear. God listens, and answers, every prayer--even the inaudible kind. No, mostly the inaudible kind.
Interesting how hindsight makes it so much easier to see the hand of God, working in our lives. The whole 20/20 idea doesn't ever stack up against His, Omniscient, see the end from the beginning, but hey, it's a start.
Some may call it chance, but I believe it was inspiration when just this past Monday, the wonderful lady I visit, (for you Mormon Folk, Visiting Teaching) happened to mention to me that a Big Shot Marriage Therapist (Doug Brinley) would be coming to teach a Marriage and Family course in our area. Only God could have known the turn of events that would happen after a seemingly unrelated Visiting Teaching appointment and the Red Letter Day that would follow.
Tonight, several lingering issues came to a head in our marriage. In the aftermath of the, Fight to End All Fights, I prayed. Quietly I thought through the issues at hand, knowing I needed divine help and divine clarity. Humbling searching, not knowing how to ask for specific help, when the problems themselves seem so scattered. There are too many, all muddled up together in one confusing, resentful pile. And so it was that my prayer was more a general S.O.S. to the heavens than a single flare gun to the sky. Heaven knows I've prayed my fair share of those before, too.
In that stillness, as my heart desired change, even if my mind wasn't yet capable of articulating the specifics, the thought of this Marriage and Family course came to my mind. It was like a well-timed lifeboat thrown out to my sinking ship. Good thing, too, because tonight we dropped a few anchors that might be here for awhile without some professional intervention.
3. Okay, so I've learned this lesson many times, but tonight it seems more poignant.
Writing helps. But sometimes, albeit rarely, it doesn't.
For example, if writing down the memory supersedes making another memory, (i.e. plugged into the computer, instead of plugged into life) then the magic of the written word is lost. Following me?
What I'm trying to say is, while writing has always been a good therapist to me, it can't replace the actual moments of application. I need to refocus myself, my priorities, and be more discretionary with how I spend my energy. Fighting with the person I (most always) love the most, has a way of driving the really important priorities home. Home. The place that must be the focus of my very best creative effort. If home is where the heart is, then good heavens, I really need my heart to be more in it!
4. Last and final lesson of the day.
It is a good thing to kiss and make up.
(Even if there is still a boat load of sinking problems that need a few more heaven sent rescue rafts.)
Always on the grow,
All the things we never thought about while choosing bridesmaid dresses and centerpieces. Keep your chin up, my friend. Hope you're just going through a short and temporary rough patch.
ReplyDelete